Roar will publish a first-person story about abortion, “My Abortion: A Daily Story,” every day for at least 365 days. Excerpted below is a piece of Anastasia’s story. She opens up about becoming pregnant just before ending a relationship and her experience having an abortion just before Thanksgiving. Anastasia further reflects on how both of her decisions were right for her. Read her full personal essay that was published by Weird Sister.
“…I couldn’t tell many people in the town we lived in that I was pregnant. I didn’t want to hurt Jacob’s reputation, so I kept my mouth shut. When I told Jacob he freaked out. “I can’t deal with this,” he said to me. I was standing outside in the rain when we spoke. And then, “what do you need from me?” That was what he did. For three weeks leading up to the abortion, Jacob was there but not there. “What do you need from me?” He asked this over and over. “I need you to be around. To be here.” He called a few times and texted a little bit. This seemed to fill his good guy quota up. Never did he offer to take the short train ride up to be there for my abortion. I went to the clinic with a friend the day before Thanksgiving. I was sad. We joked in the waiting area and when I was taken back for the procedure the doctor commented on my boots and I stared at a painting of a golden retriever smiling in front of several rainbows. It felt absurd that I was there, getting an abortion. When I’d first found out I was pregnant I’d even thought of keeping it. “I could do this by myself,” I thought. But after the abortion I felt intense relief. Because I have very little family and am not very well established in the town that I live in, I spent the day by myself, in bed, sleeping off and on. I felt infinitely sad. The day after the abortion Jacob didn’t call or text. I knew from his Instagram that he was with family, feasting on food and drink. I listened to the wind chimes outside my window and the sound comforted me…”