Phoenix, AZ. Authorities arrested 8 year old Nina Garcia, a young girl of Mexican descent, who was playing Chutes and Ladders at her home in Phoenix, Arizona. She has been charged with undermining border security, threatening critical infrastructure and future human trafficking.
Chutes and Ladders has been designated a critical infrastructure threat by the Department of Homeland Security. In a previously issued statement, DHS stated that the game is being used at “How to Get Over a Wall” training camps which have been spreading across Mexico faster than the Macarena.
According to Wikileaks, the girl’s laughter while playing the game was overheard by her parent’s Samsung TV which triggered an immediate alert to the National Security Agency who notified the Department of Homeland Security who quickly responded to the young girl’s home. Samsung responded to our requests with some cryptic text believed to possibly be Korean but which is still being deciphered by our experts. Neither the NSA nor DHS could be reached for comment.
Neighbor Julie Daniels whose children had been allegedly playing the game with the accused expressed her shock explaining,
“Initially, the girls were supposed to be playing Jenga, but Nina took great pride in ‘knocking that [expletive] Wall down as quick as possible’. The game quickly lost its charm so they switched to Chutes and Ladders”.
Her children were questioned regarding their ethnicity and then later released. “Good thing my own children are white,” Ms. Daniels stated for the record. Authorities still have not ruled out charging them for aiding and abetting their ‘Mexican’ Chutes and Ladders playing neighbor.
Hasbro who produced the game stated that while selling Chutes and Ladders to Mexicans has now been banned in the US, there has been a large uptick in sales of the game in Mexico after years of slumping sales. Prices for used versions of the game have shot up on eBay Mexico and are now reaching a high of 5 USD as Mexicans seek to train their children on how to defeat Trump’s Wall.
Democrats have also begun smuggling the game down to Mexico with one anonymous source being quoted saying, “Chutes and Ladders is going to destroy Trump’s legacy.” Republicans have responded with a boycott and a hashtag (#boycottchutesandladders).
Nina Garcia’s parents will face charges for corruption of a minor. Their immigration status has not yet been determined.
Jagjeet Khalsa is the production editor at ROAR. He recently took the leap back into writing and blogging. His older work can be found on BrokenSnowGlobe and HaikusINeverWanted. He can also be found making food haikus on Instagram.