My Abortion #115: Two Children Are Enough, I Think

Roar will publish a first-person story about abortion, “My Abortion: A Daily Story,” every day for at least 365 days.

The following story comes from Feminist Women Health Center at the Cedar River Clinic in Seatle, which has provided compassionate reproductive health care, birth control, and abortions for over 30 years.

Married with two children, DeeDee struggled with the decision to have an abortion when she knew for sure she didn’t want anymore children.

This is her story

I am pregnant. Five weeks as far as I can tell. After our second child (and one miscarriage), we were certain we did not want any more children. My husband was going to get a vasectomy next month so that we could enjoy each other worry free! Now, suddenly, we have more worries. I have had relatively easy pregnancies and births, but horrible infancies. Infancies filled with colicy screaming- day and night – small babies that NEVER sleep through the night, and clingy, needy babies that must be held constantly. With each child came a year of total exhaustion. My youngest is 13 months old and here I am. Pregnant again.

I love my children more than anyone could imagine. I would lay down my life for them. But I don’t want any more.

I have always been Pro-Choice, and I still am. But now that the choice is in front of me, I’m not sure I can make it. Right now, I feel it is my only option. For my family and for my sanity.

And sadly, I live in a society in which there is NO ONE (other than my husband and my mother) that I can discuss this with. I have not been raped. I am not a single woman. I am not a teenager. There is no fetal distress nor are there any abnormalities. My decision – on the surface – appears shallow and selfish. If it were, it would be much easier to make. This is by far the most important decision of my life. As all of you know. Please keep me (and Theresa) in your prayers while I am in this temporary state of limbo. And know that whatever CHOICES WE make, they are the right ones because they are made after many tears and much soul searching.

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