My Abortion #22: Samantha

Roar will publish a first-person story about abortion, “My Abortion: A Daily Story,” every day for at least 365 days.

At the Feminist Women Health Center they believe in a world where women make their own decisions regarding their bodies reproduction and sexuality. They also encourage women to share their experiences:

In her sophomore year, Samantha attended a New Year’s party and woke up naked next to a man she didn’t know. This is her story.

My name samantha and it´s been three years since my abortion.

it was the middle of my sophomore year, and i had everything i wanted. i was into sports, got good grades, had the best friends anyone could have and i had been together with my boyfriend for 6 months now. i was a varsity cheerleader and the sweet girl everyone got along with. when i broke up with my boyfriend i got really depressed. i quit cheerleading and started to hang out with older kids and stopped hanging out with my friends from school. i remember my best friend ashley telling me i wasn’t in the right track and that i had to get over it and stop hanging out with the people i was with, but i didn’t listen. my grades got worse and i started skipping classes.

on new year’s eve, a really sweet guy invited me to a party he was throwing that night, i remember going with one of my new girlfriends i barely knew. that night i had two beers and before i knew it i passed out. well, no one passes out with two beers, and the next thing i remember was waking up with some kid on top of me. i remember telling him it hurt and to leave me alone, but i went unconscious again. the next morning i woke up completely naked next to the guy that had invited me, i remember throwing up as soon as i woke up. i got up and got away as fast as i could trying not to wake anyone up. when i got home the first thing i did was fall asleep and didn’t wake up til the next day.

i was terrified. i had no idea what had happened. i had very few flash backs. i was totally shocked and denied to talk to anyone who called. my mother was worried and when school started i refused to go back to school. i had to tell my mom even though i didn’t really get along. surprisingly, she didn’t yell or get mad. she understood and we cried for an hour. the next day, we went to the police and they made me tell everything with detail. they weren’t surprised. according to the police i talked to, it wasn’t the first time it had happened in that house. i cried endlessly those days. i couldn’t talk or see anyone, and everyone had a million questions. i even stopped talking to ashley.

the police said it was necessary that i went to the gyno, which was the last place i really wanted to go to. i made my appointment and went with my mom and a friend named amity.

everything was fine except that i was pregnant. everything was going wrong and i just couldn’t stand it. without thinking i told them i wanted to have an abortion. no one questioned me and my mom and amity totally supported me. i didn’t want my baby to grow up without a father like i had, and i didn’t know if i was going to be able to handle everything plus a baby.

i was two months pregnant when i had an abortion. it was the most painful thing i have ever experienced. and i think the most traumatic also. i felt every little thing they did to me. to this day i still cry over my baby and wonder sometimes how old it would be now or whether it was a girl or a boy. i still can´t go to the gyno without remembering everything and feeling anxiety. but i think overall it was the right decision. i still have trouble going back to where i lived and seeing those guys out of jail. but i think you learn from every experience you have and i think what i learned was to appreciate everything i have, especially the people who care for you.

in this case i wanna thank my mom and my best friend now, amity. you two are the best friends anyone could have and the most important people in my life.



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