My Abortion #109: Pamela’s story

Roar will publish a first-person story about abortion, “My Abortion: A Daily Story,” every day for at least 365 days.

Today’s story comes from Cedar River Clinics.  Run by the Feminist Women’s Health Center (FWHC), Cedar River Clinics “has provided compassionate reproductive health care, birth control, and abortions for over 30 years.”

At 20, Pamela found out she was pregnant. Although she struggled with the decision to terminate her pregnancy, she knew she was doing the best.

This is her story


Hi, my name is Pamela, I am 20 and I just found out that I am pregnant. Four days ago I did a home test and it was positive. Next day I went to the clinic to get one, and it was positive too. They made me a pelvic exam and they told me I am 5-6 weeks far. I started crying. I have always said that if I got pregnant I would get an abortion, and in fact i have an appointment for one in 6 days.

At first I didn’t want to tell my boyfriend because I love him and I thought he would be against abortion because he already had a daughter. Then I realized that I couldn’t take all this pain in my own, it’s his baby as much as it is mine, and I need his support more than always.

At first I thought about what would be good and what would be bad about having this baby. Bad: I cannot support him financially, I would have to leave school, and because I would have to work I wouldn’t have time to take care of him. As a second point, I should say that my mother is a single mother and I know how hard it has been financially and emotionally to have me without a partner next to her. I don’t want the same thing to happen to me, whenever i have a child I want someone to be next to me when the baby gets sick, when my child learns how to walk, when he has his first football game or she has her first dancing recital. The day I have a child I want to offer him a family and security, something that I didn’t have. I really want my child to learn the word “daddy” and know what it means to have one, not like me that I learned the word “biological father” before “daddy.”

Good: Hey, having a baby is most women’s greatest dream (just that you expect this to happen in other conditions).

Making this decision has been hard but I think I am doing the best, I really hope I am. The only thing that keeps me on going is how my boyfriend is supporting me through my decision. I am really scared about feelings of regret that I may have after the procedure, the physical pain, and about losing my boyfriend when I need him the most.

Pamela
October 1998

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